


Miscalculations

by sonicdrift2



Series: Self Inserts [1]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, M/M, Other, Reader is Nonbinary, Unrequited love -AT FIRST, reader uses they/them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-02
Updated: 2019-10-02
Packaged: 2020-11-10 19:47:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20857262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sonicdrift2/pseuds/sonicdrift2
Summary: Everyone on the U.S.S. Enterprise had developed a little crush on the Vulcan first officer one time or another. You had to admit you were no exception.





	Miscalculations

Everyone on the _U.S.S. Enterprise_ had developed a little crush on the Vulcan first officer one time or another. With his charming alien idiosyncrasies and good looks, he was often cooed over and gossiped about by the younger officers in the halls, and usually more discreetly by the higher ups.

You had to admit that you were no different. You, like so many of your crew mates had an affection for your superior officer. Unlike others however, you allowed your feelings to evolve past a simple crush. It had gotten so bad you felt your face flush from merely thinking about him, and you knew you could no longer work the same shifts on the bridge with Spock without compromising your work. This morning, you had tearfully requested a position and shift change in the privacy of your own quarters.

Spock would never return your feelings, so you had to remove yourself from the equation. Your thinking was that maybe if you didn’t see him every day, you’d be able to reign in your feelings. A little distance would be good, you were sure you were making him uncomfortable with your lingering glances. Yes, tomorrow you could begin the process of getting over him.

But today, you still had one more eight hour shift to get through. You weren’t religious, but you sent up a small prayer to whoever might be out there.

Stepping onto the bridge right on time, you rolled your eyes as you received a grateful clap on the shoulder from the officer you were relieving.

“Man! Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes. I can’t wait to crawl into bed. See ya, ___.” They said, slipping into the elevator behind you.

The bridge was quiet, save for the familiar beeping of machary and some grumbling. You glanced around, noticing with a hint of surprise there were only four people at their stations. They must be running late for their shifts. Eyes trained on the floor, you made a beeline for your chair. You sat and started your work, idly humming a little tune as you did so.

“Hey, I know that one!” Captain Kirk exclaimed, causing you to startle. Turning to face him, you flashed him a small smile.

“Yeah, it’s a classic.”

Kirk was a nice guy , and he had always been kind to you. Then again, he was nice to everyone on the ship, but it was something you appreciated. Few beings were nice to others simply for the sake of being nice. He had definitely spoiled you for any other captain. He hummed and nodded at you, the conversation seemingly over. As you turned away a flash of movement caught your eye.

Commander Spock.

Always at his station, you thought fondly, then promptly squashed that down. It didn’t matter that you liked him, he had never shown any interest in you at all. Your conversations had been sparse and always about your jobs. Get over it. Sighing, you turned back to your work. This was going to be a long shift.

* * *

“Captains Log, Stardate 2345.3, I’m so fucking bored.” Kirk moaned, slumping in his chair. He hadn’t pressed the record button. A ripple of laughter made its way through the bridge.

It has been six hours since your shift started, and nothing disastrous or remotely interested had occurred. You agreed that it was boring as hell, but at least no one was in mortal danger. The shenanigans this ship got in to on a regular basis where frankly ridiculous. You told Kirk not to jinx it, you’d all been having such a nice day. He snorted.

“Captain, use of offensive language on the bridge is against regulations.” Spock interjected, turning from his console, his brow quirking up.

“Yeah Captain, you can’t say fuck on the bridge.” Sulu piped up, sniggering at the look Spock gave him. Chekov elbowed him in the ribs, but he was also grinning.

“Lieutenant Sulu-“

“Technically, technically,” Kirk said, cutting off Spock, holding up his hands in mock surrender, “I said fucking. But please, continue.”

“Captain!”

You rolled your eyes and scoffed. Men were so ridiculous.

“Oh? Do you have something to say, Lieutenant?” Kirk grinned at you, swiveling recklessly in his chair.

“Only that you’re all dumbasses.”

Everyone burst into laughter. Spock sighed. He shook his head slightly and your eyes caught the light reflecting off of his shiny black hair as his bangs fell over his eyes. It must be about time for his monthly trim. You tore your eyes away and checked the clock. Only two hours left. You could do this.

* * *

You felt a little numb walking out of the bridge. This could be your last time working with this group of people. The fact that no one knew yet was eating you up, and the only thought that consoled you was that they barely were your friends anyway. You stumbled into the lift , lost in thought, not caring that it was rapidly nearing full capacity.

“Hey, there’s still room, you can make it Spock!” Uhura yelled, waving their commanding officer over. He stepped in just before the door slid shut. You internally groaned, because who else would it be.

It was a tight fit, you pushed yourself against the wall as to avoid touching him. You knew Vulcans were touch telepaths and it was no secret that Spock was especially gifted. You did not want him reading the mess of emotions currently swirling in your chest.

Spock gave you a look. Your face flushed, you must look ridiculous squishing yourself on the wall like that. Oh no, what if he was offended you clearly were avoiding touching just him? Your other side was flush against Uhura, you couldn’t lie and say you just didn’t like physical contact.

“Are you alright, Lieutenant?” He asked you, brow raised.

You nodded furiously, heart pounding. This was so stupid, you immediately straightened up, dusting off your uniform. But now that you were standing, your shoulder brushed his forearm. His skin burned you through two layers of clothes. Vulcans ran a few degrees hotter than humans, but you knew that wasn’t why it felt so hot. Your entire body tingled, and you prayed he wouldn’t be able to feel your emotions through the thin layers of uniform.

After an agonizing minute, the lift made its first stop and you ran out like the fires of hell were nipping at your heels. This wasn’t even your stop, but you ran down the hall, embarrassment spurring you on. You ran until it hurt to breathe and you finally stopped, slumping over, hands on your knees as you tried to catch your breath.

That was so embarrassing and dumb. Why couldn’t you just be normal around him? Everyone in the elevator saw that-- you hadn’t even tried to be subtle. Standing up, you smoothed down your uniform and started walking back to the lift. You made it back to your room without incident.

Sighing, you fell onto the bed and let exhaustion take over you. You were asleep in minutes.

* * *

Spock watched the lieutenant’s retreating form until the lift doors closed. Their behavior had been peculiar lately, and he was not one to speculate, but it was logical to assume the strange behavior was linked to the request for a transfer. He’d seen it in the wee hours of the morning, and you had left the “reason for transfer” box blank. A very human curiosity tugged at his mind.

“They’ve got it so bad for you, Spock.” Uhura said, nudging him with her elbow.

Both his brows shot up on his forehead. Uhura rolled her eyes.

“They obviously like you! Romantically, I mean. They were blushing like a little schoolgirl. I’ve noticed how they look at you, ____ has got a big crush on you.” She explained, shaking her head fondly. “It’s kind of cute, honestly.”

Romantically? You were just a coworker, Spock had never thought about you that way. Sure, he at times had noticed your aesthetic beauty, but it had never gone much further than that. But now that Uhura had brought your attraction to his attention, he was thinking about it. He was surprised the thought didn’t disgust him. You were a hard worker, your attention to detail was admirable. Although Spock often had to double check your work, you rarely complained or moaned as the other human crew members did.

You were always kind to him and others, emotionally in tune to those around you, an important skill in human society. Maybe something with you would be worth exploring. His thoughts were interrupted when he recalled your request for transfer, his previous hypothesis challenged.

Could your reason for the request have been because of your feelings for him? Spock squared his shoulders, suddenly resolute. He had to talk to you before he approved the transfer. Losing such a capable officer on bridge rotation would be regrettable. The elevator had finally stopped at his floor, but he pulled the level again.

It was time to talk to you.

* * *

The knock on your door jarred you from sleep. Tiredly, you got up and trudged before the door. Your sleepy mind simply pushed the button to open it, not registering that you almost never had guests, or that you were still in your rumpled uniform. Your gaze started down at the regulation boots, making its way up over the black pants, blue shirt and —you choked. Spock was at your door.

Shocked awake, you stood at attention, suddenly aware of your state of undress and unkempt hair. Pure panic froze you in place.

“Lieutenant.” Spock greeted you.

“C-Commander! Forgive my appearance I was taking a nap I didn’t know it was you at the door, ah,” Words fell out of your mouth in a jumbled mess, and you took a gulp of air before blurting, “Give me a moment please!”

Your hand slammed on the door’s controls. You took a few seconds to silently scream before you scrambled to make yourself presentable. After throwing on a clean uniform, you ran to the mirror to smooth down your hair. Sighing, you conceded again that it was a lost cause, your hair had never realized you and it were on the same team. You patted it down one last time and took a deep, calming breath before, turning back towards the door. It slid open automatically as you shuffled forward.

“My apologies, Lieutenant. It was not my intention to disturb your rest.” Spock said immediately, standing at attention. It seemed he hadn't moved at all while you were gone. “I wish to speak to you about an important matter that has recently come to my attention.”

Spock noticed your embarrassment, it was hard not to see it. Your face was completely red as you stepped aside to let him in, seemingly resigned to the situation. Was it really so bad, having him come talk to you? Instead of musing, he decided to get straight into it.

“I am here to inquire into the reason for your transfer request. I found it most unusual.”

“Well, sir, I ... I just don’t feel like working on the bridge is where I should be.” The half truth slipped out of your mouth easily, but the unimpressed look Spock managed to give you made your heart drop. He knew. Someone told him, or perhaps he had figured it out. That’s why he was in your room, somewhere private, so he could reject you without causing a fuss.

“How so?”

Shit, he was calling your bluff. Surely he wasn't so cruel as to make you admit it?

“I just feel that my skills are needed somewhere else on the ship.” You said weakly, shrugging. Lying had never been your strong suit.

But Spock heard what you were trying to say.

(They were needed somewhere away from him.)

“Your ...feelings for me, have they influenced this decision?” He asked smoothly, tilting his head towards you. His expression was surprisingly soft, dark eyes glittering in the dim light.

It was full of pity.

It felt like ice had just been dumped over your head, filling up your body completely until you were locked up and numb. Now he was going to tell you to move on. You were so stupid to ever think you had a chance in hell with such a skilled, wonderful man. At least he seemed like he was going to let you down gently.

“Yes.” You whispered, tears welling up in your eyes.

Spock looked slightly alarmed at this.

“Why does it influence your decision?” Still, he pressed.

“Because I don’t want to-“ Your voice cracked, “Make you uncomfortable with my unwanted attention.” Tears fell down your face and you slapped your hands over your cheeks, hiding your shame.

You heard him move closer, and he gently pried your hands away from your face. You gasped at the contact, you knew what hand to hand contact meant to vulcans. You blinked rapidly through the tears, trying desperately to clear your blurry vision, to get a clear view of his face.

“I would not be averse to pursuing a romantic relationship with you.” He said, and you stopped breathing.

“What?”

Months of pining, all the horrible, agonizing months of pushing your emotions down were all for naught? You almost felt you couldn't handle this.

“I would not be-“

“No,” You interrupted him, “I heard you, I just...can’t believe you said that. Why?”

Spock tilted his head curiously.

“You are a smart, skilled officer. You are easily able to emotionally read to others around you, and you are kind even when it does not benefit you. A relationship with you would only be logical, as your skills are ones I myself lack. Is it not important for partners to help each other overcome their shortcomings?”

Spock brushed his hand along your cheek, slowly, agonizingly, and continued to say-

“I also find you very physically appealing. Your attention, as you put it, would not be wholly unwelcome.”

“Ah.” Your brain felt like it was broken. Was this real? Was this happening? You reached up and placed your hand over the larger one cupping your cheek. Pulling it down, you brought it between you and twisted it around gently with both hands. It felt real. The green tinting Spock’s face definitely looked real.

“Do you not want me to transfer then?” You asked. He pried his hand from your grip.

“It would be illogical now, that the issue warranting your transfer has been resolved. Working with you is efficient.”

“So ...are we dating now?”

Spock paused.

“I thought I made it clear that I was pursuing a romantic relationship with you. Let me rephrase in human terms.”

He stepped back and cleared his throat.

“_____, will you go out with me?” Spock said, his face perfectly stoic.

You burst into laughter. That was the last thing you ever expected to come out of his mouth. Through your laughter, you nodded vigorously, and threw your arms around his neck. That was perfect, this was perfect, more perfect than you had ever imagined, because it was real, it was happening, and reality was a hundred times better than anything your brain had come up with.

“I am pleased you feel that way.” Spock hummed, strong arms circling your body,  
his hands respectfully no lower than your shoulders.

Right, touch telepath. You pulled away slowly, a wide grin on your face. You felt your cheeks were going to hurt by the end of the day.

“Grab dinner with me?” You asked.

He said yes.

The two of you walked to the mess hall, arms linked. Turns out you were right. By the end of the day, your face was sore from smiling.

You found you didn’t mind.

Spock was right by your side, and you could figure out the rest later, together. 

**Author's Note:**

> Okay!!! First Trek fic ever yeehaw!! I really just love Spock. This is the longest fic I've finished in years, I'm really proud of it.
> 
> Please leave a review if you read it! They make my day! <3


End file.
